is it father's day today? o.O
im not sure though XD
many people keep wishing happy father's day today..
and for once, i suddenly realized about the existence of father's day..
i've forgotten about the day that called as father's day,because i didn't celebrate it for 8 years and never celebrate it to be honest..
maybe we do celebrate it before,but i didn't remember..
at the age of 19, most of the people in this earth still having their dad on their side, fighting with their dad,hating their dad and bla bla bla.
but for me, i didn't even remember my dad's voice..
i cant remember his voice when he talk to me,i can't remember his voice when he tease me,i can't remember his voice when he calm me down after my mom beat me..
i only remember his face, thanks to all the picture of him that we kept..
i really miss my abah..
i always wonder, how would i turn up if abah is still here?
would i be me who's lazy to study like now?
would i be me who's stubborn, and didn't listen to my family much?
would i be me who's don't know how to socialize with people,even with my own relatives?
would i study in a private university, instead of government's university?
would my spm result be as bad as my result now?
i really wonder about lots of things..
after abah passed away, my life changed.
i become lazier, become more stubborn and become more independent.
i always do everything on my own.
never ask for my family's opinion.
i danna..
maybe because he leave me at such a young age, at the age where im starting to know the world..
people said, 11 is the age where u start to act like an adult, not being a kid..
but that's not for me..
at the age of 11, i still act like a kid..
i didn't know and understand what does it meant by death.
i really understand nothing..i even live my life happily..hope arwah abah would come back from work and hug me like always..
but,after a few weeks, i started to understand that abah won't come back to us again.
i started to understand that abah is gone forever..
and because of all the shock,for the first time in my life, i fail my bahasa malaysia.
i remember.. a few weeks after abah passed away, we got an exam..
and i answer the exam happily, like normal students.
but when the result come out, i only got 15 over 100 for my Malay.
im shock, my teacher was shocked and my family was,too.
my teacher even call me for a counselling and ask me why did i fail that bad, and i only answer i dont know.
and its true.
i really dont know.
started from that moment,my life change.
the over-confident lynn is gone,replaced by the quiet lynn,friend-less lynn.
i dont make friends,i dont know how to make friends,and i rather live in a cage then hang out with my classmates.
but now,im not like that anymore..
i know how to makes friends, i do have friends, and im not that lonely..

"Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, tempatkanlah ayahku bersama hamba-hambamu yang beriman,Ya Allah.. Berikanlah ketenangan kepada ayahku... Ampunkanlah semua dosa-dosa ayahku.. Sesungguhnya, dia adalah anak,suami dan ayah terbaik di dalam dunia ini.."